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“Spam Volume On the Rise!”

Scott Dorsey (“kludge”), posting in a private forum, suggested that “Spam Volume On the Rise!” could be a title for a song sung to the tune from “(Ghost) Riders In the Sky”. So I wrote some lyrics to go with the title.

The first line of the refrain was originally “Subject that fools, an email disguise”. Mark Mandel (“The filker with no nickname”) suggested replacing “email disguise” with “email that lies”. I liked the suggestion, and incorporated it in the lyrics.

A user turned his laptop on one strange and fateful day.
He opened up his email app to send a note away.
But then he noticed that his inbox was completely full;
The subjects were enticing, and he could feel their pull.

They offered pay and fun and sex and every earthly gain.
He knew he shouldn't open them, he knew he should refrain.
He started to delete them all, but then one caught his eye;
It promised an eternal life, it said he'd never die!

Subject that fools, email that lies:
Spam Volume On the Rise!

He opened up that tempting note, just to take a look.
A devil’s face then laughed at him, and that was all it took
To open up a thousand windows, every one an ad;
They were talking all at once, and that was mighty bad!

For every window that he closed, a new one took its place.
So very soon he understood he'd never win that race.
And through it all the devil laughed, and then was heard to say:
“Never click on spam, my boy, or there’ll be hell to pay!”

Subject that fools, email that lies:
Spam Volume On the Rise!
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Last modified: Saturday, 09-May-2020 16:17:25 EDT